


don't want to change you

by unrequitedexistence



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, berena - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 02:20:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7958563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unrequitedexistence/pseuds/unrequitedexistence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the kiss...</p>
            </blockquote>





	don't want to change you

**Author's Note:**

> I just _had_ to. This scene kept playing in my head. So here it is. My first, and probably last, attempt at a Berena fanfic. Please do forgive me.
> 
> P.S. "I don't want to change you" by Damien Rice _is_ such a Berena song.

A wave of bad _luck_ , someone had called the most recent events. A bit of an understatement, those involved would certainly have argued. It was as if, for a moment that had bitterly tasted of eternity, chaos had decided to descend upon the Holby City family and establish it as its ground zero.

A new day had inconspicuously arrived and with it a new shift. Words were exchanged, charts were swapped, procedures were performed, caffeine was consumed... from hope to hopelessness and back again. Patients were admitted, others were discharged, for better or worse.

A new shift had started a thousand years before or so one would be led to believe from the faces of the ones presently fighting the good fight. A rough couple of hours, some would whisper as they read their replacements into the current state of affairs before signing out.

A new shift was about to end and Serena and Bernie had yet to run into one another. To be fair, it could be the portrait of just another day at the office had they not started at the exact same time, had they not shared both an office and a ward.

Eyes low, tight and locked onto charts, patients, endless cups and wraps – they were somehow able to avoid each other in a rather intentionally unintentional way.

_I am giving her some space so she can figure everything out_ , Bernie kept telling herself as she navigated the ward she now knew like the back of her hand. She could do it with her eyes closed, same as recognizing Serena’s presence, even if at a distance. She could tell just how the other woman’s perfume seemed to embrace her every inch as if playing a dedicated lover on her skin. If she closed her eyes right about now, she could still replay every single frame of the night before as if it were her favorite film, which wasn’t that far from being the truth.

Serena’s mind was emotionally… _blank_ , a page waiting to be written upon. She wasn’t avoiding Bernie _per se_ , she was avoiding having to face _herself_ in the presence of Bernie. Truth was, if the other woman somehow confronted her, even if by simply looking her in the eye, she knew she would immediately stop munching over the somewhat embarrassing and disastrous scenarios vividly playing in her head. She would take a leap of faith without considering the possibly catastrophic outcomes – and lord knows how that had played out for her before.

Serena was evading Bernie out of self-preservation, the irony residing on the fact that she hadn’t been this happy in… _forever_. If only Bernie knew she was taking the exact opposite path to her desired destination…

Fletch brought them together.

_Again_.

They were paged during the last five minutes of their shift. They would have probably muttered not so gentle words under their breaths or rolled their eyes at the timing, perhaps even panicked, if they had had time to contemplate the situation as a meeting of sorts. However, their minds automatically focused on Fletch. They were going to try and have him abandon his comatose state.

While Serena stood by his side holding his hand, Bernie leaned against the doorframe, as if ready to run in case of emergency… and run she did, after a few distressing moments that followed the failure of the procedure that was supposed to bring them all some relief. She was the first one to leave, but not before meeting Serena’s eyes. The other woman had instinctively searched for her across the room, offering a comfort she herself didn’t possess.

As everyone else dispersed Serena stayed behind, her hand still clutching her friend’s and her mind trying to come to terms with the frightening cloud of sadness and disappointment she had seen veil Bernie’s eyes… and the _guilt_ with its sharp edges, making itself palpable to Serena’s fingertips.

Once alone, with the door closed, she pulled up a chair and sat down, sharing with Fletch every single detail of what had happened the night before. He couldn’t voice his thoughts, he probably couldn’t even hear her, but she knew him well enough to recognize his voice filling her mind with sensible guidance.

Serena squeezed his hand, placed a soft kiss upon his forehead and left the room with a promise to return before long. Once outside she took a deep breath and made her way to their shared office. The blinds were closed but still she could see that the light was on.

“Bernie, I-” She stopped mid-sentence as she took in the scenario in front of her. Bernie was sitting on her chair, her head resting on the lap of an unexpected third character that was perched on her desk.

_Alex_.

Serena instantly boarded a train of thought with _wreckage_ openly divulged as its last stop. She was already bracing for impact when a loud sob brought her back to a reality that had her craving her one-way ticket to the metaphorical land of calamity. She had to consciously stop from reaching out, her muscles burning out of frustration.

“Take her home.” Serena told Alex, her voice lifeless. “I will finish the paperwork and sign her off.” She gave Bernie a millisecond to react but ended up leaving without having her existence acknowledged by the other woman.

She leaned back against the closed door for a moment. There was no point in hurrying home. Jason was out with none other than Bernie’s son and if there was something Serena didn’t think she could handle right now was silence. She was certain that the time it took her to get some distracting and mind-numbing caffeine would be more than enough for them to leave the office. She found herself disappointed once proven right.

She parked in front of her house a good four hours later and immediately noticed that someone was sitting on the steps of her front porch. She raised an eyebrow and instinctively reached for her phone. She let out a breath she wasn’t aware she had been holding once she realized there were no missed calls. Jason was _fine_. He _had_ to be or else someone would have called her by now, even at the hospital if they couldn’t get hold of her on her cell.

A car drove by illuminating the path to her door.

_Bernie_.

Serena had certainly not expected to see the other woman any time soon, let alone find her at her house. Her heart skipped a beat. What could have possibly happened? She flew out of her car and towards her waiting friend, her self-preservation strategy entirely forgotten and long gone.

The sight of her… her head down, her shoulders dismayed… She _needed_ to know Bernie was okay, she _needed_ to make it okay.

“Bernie?” She started softly as she approached her, reaching out to touch her gently on the shoulder. “Bernie?” She repeated, her tone smooth as to not scare the other woman. She felt relief cursing through her veins as Bernie took her hand in hers, resting her palm against her face. “For Shiraz’s sake, you’re freezing.” Serena murmured, concern obvious in her voice. She sighed, caressing Bernie’s cheek before using their joined hands to raise Bernie’s face to meet hers. “Cup of tea, yes?”

Serena helped the other woman up before reaching for her keys and busying herself with opening the door.

“She asked me where _home_ was.”

Serena walked into the house and held the door wide open for Bernie to join her.

“And I chose you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I do apologize if it ended up sounding way too OOC.


End file.
